I've Got This Covered

Sort of. Well, to the best of my ability anyway.

(singing) On a recent estate sale run, my true love gave to me: 2 pool chaises a lounging, 2 lamps a lighting, and a orange grungy settee bench.

More to come on the chaise lounges, but they were a huge necessity as we are 1st time pool owners and a brother's gotta get his bronze on, you know? The lamps will also be part of a separate ALL LIGHTING ALL THE TIME post, so get pumped for that. Let's focus on my foray into the fascinating world of upholstery, shall we?

The conversation went the same way it always does when Court finds something old and funky that needs a makeover:

Court: I like this. Can we do something with it?
Me: Oh, I've got this.

It's important to note that I did not, in fact, "have this." I have never re-upholstered anything. But, by God, I said I could do it and I wasn't going to back down, so....challenge accepted?

Let's just say that I now know why it costs so much to get something professionally re-upholstered. In short, it sucks. There's the tedious task of removing all old staples:

Then, there is the less complicated, but equally arduous task of measuring and cutting the new foam:

But, then came the fun part...attaching the new fabric. Here is the breakdown of what went down:

Fold edge, staple
Pull tight one way, staple
Pull tight other way, staple
Drink beer and evaluate progress
"Oh shit" (Remove previous staples)
Tell Court the whole thing is going on the curb for trash day
Start over
Finish
High-five myself
Swear I'm never doing it again

Probably not the informative "how to" you were looking for, but what am I, Martha Stewart? (Don't answer that).

It's important to point out that whilst I was toiling away on the bench, internally kicking myself for taking this project on in the first place, Court quipped "I have to admit, it looks pretty easy." Semi-related Knowledge Bomb #173: That's not a smart thing to say when I have a pneumatic stapler in my hand, capable of delivering 150 PSI of pure unadulterated pain.

Here is how it looked before:

Can I interest you in some mustard-colored crushed velvet?

And here is how it came out. Unfortunately, I still have a little bit of work left on this, namely some piping to cover the staples. But, you get the idea. Here would be a good time to mention that the word of the day for our master bedroom/bathroom is "silver."

Devil Dog, lying in wait, plotting to get on the new bench as soon as I turn around.